“Why do I feel this torture?” she scribbled in a diary in 1955. “Or why is it that I feel less human than the others (always felt in a certain way that I am subhuman, why in other words, I am the worst, why?) Even physically, I have always been sure that something was not right with me.”
Monroe’s mental turmoil and literary aspirations are well-known. But her own vivid accounts of her inner life, from teenage years to a time close to her death, bring home how far the real woman was from the dumb blond she portrayed in her films.
Her private writings, to be published for the first time, also show the late star to have been an avid reader who quotes John Milton and Sigmund Freud as she despairs over her loneliness.
The actress’s voice comes over clearly in "Fragments", a collection of notes, letters and poems that were left to Lee Strasberg, her acting guru, on her death in Los Angeles in 1962 at the age of 36.
In 1958, under psychoanalysis and after the failure of her marriage to Arthur Miller, the playwright, she writes: “Help, help, help. I feel life approaching when all that I want is to die.” Miller is the only person in her life she trusted as much as herself, she confides in her notebook.
In another undated fragment, she describes her desperation on a film set. “I am tired. I am searching for a way to play this role. My whole life has always depressed me. How can I play such a gay girl, young and full of hope?”
As a rising star in the early 1950s, she wrote verses about her solitude. “I am alone. I am always alone, whatever happens . . . ” In another poem, she writes: “How I would like to be dead, absolutely non-existent.”
In 1961, Monroe wrote to Ralph Greenson, her psychoanalyst, that she had been reading the correspondence of Freud and finds him depressing. She also described how, in the clinic, she smashed a chair against a window and threatened to cut her wrists.
The following year, Monroe was found dead at home from an overdose of barbiturates. A coroner decided that her death was probably suicide.
Monroe’s mental turmoil and literary aspirations are well-known. But her own vivid accounts of her inner life, from teenage years to a time close to her death, bring home how far the real woman was from the dumb blond she portrayed in her films.
Her private writings, to be published for the first time, also show the late star to have been an avid reader who quotes John Milton and Sigmund Freud as she despairs over her loneliness.
The actress’s voice comes over clearly in "Fragments", a collection of notes, letters and poems that were left to Lee Strasberg, her acting guru, on her death in Los Angeles in 1962 at the age of 36.
In 1958, under psychoanalysis and after the failure of her marriage to Arthur Miller, the playwright, she writes: “Help, help, help. I feel life approaching when all that I want is to die.” Miller is the only person in her life she trusted as much as herself, she confides in her notebook.
In another undated fragment, she describes her desperation on a film set. “I am tired. I am searching for a way to play this role. My whole life has always depressed me. How can I play such a gay girl, young and full of hope?”
As a rising star in the early 1950s, she wrote verses about her solitude. “I am alone. I am always alone, whatever happens . . . ” In another poem, she writes: “How I would like to be dead, absolutely non-existent.”
In 1961, Monroe wrote to Ralph Greenson, her psychoanalyst, that she had been reading the correspondence of Freud and finds him depressing. She also described how, in the clinic, she smashed a chair against a window and threatened to cut her wrists.
The following year, Monroe was found dead at home from an overdose of barbiturates. A coroner decided that her death was probably suicide.
5 comments:
nerden esti?
bi haber aslında bu, yazan bi sürü şeye şaşırdım, bi sürü farklı nedeni var o yüzden. ancak özünde
hakkında denk gelip bişeyler okudukça hep "beklemediğim gibi" çıkıyo kadın. doğal olarak. hakkında çok da bilinen şeyler değil bunlar, ondan buraya da koyayım dedim.
yoksa özdeşleşme filan söz konusu değil, allah korusun :)
özdeşleşme filan öle bişi düşünmedim :) derledin ve sen yazdın sanmıştım.
yok beybi, ben yazmadım.
ama bak: http://tinyurl.com/2axvoex
tanıdın mı? :) marilyn'i oynayacakmış.
geçen akşam guy'la benim eski şiir/günlük defterlerime bakıyoduk. yaş 13 civarı ben de oturup Marilyn Monroe alıntılarını üşenmeden yazmışım defterime. Şimdi tam üstüne senin yazıyı yeniden görünce enteresan oldu, kalp kalbe karşıymış dedim 10 yıl arayla.
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